My idiot brothers and I
by Fantasy-of the-Heart
Summary: A series of one-shot mishap adventures, that revolve around the lives of the three sand siblings. (Contains some shikatema).
1. Camping is for the birds

**Me: I have decided to start a new story with a different twist**

 **Sasuke: Why am I here?**

 **Me: Simple. You're going to help me introduce each chapter**

 **Sasuke: What?!**

 **Me: Better get used to it**

 **Sasuke: Why the hell do I have to put up with this?!**

 **Me: Oh shut up! For that I will call you duckbutt until you're sorry!**

 **Sasuke: I hate you!**

 **Me: Onwards people please enjoy!**

* * *

"Temari I don't wanna go!

"Pipe down Kankuro this a fantastic idea, when's the last time we went camping".

"Never and for good reason, camping is lame! All you do is sit around and do nothing with no contact to the rest of the world". Temari narrowed her eyes "Will you shut up! Camping is a wonderful experience to be better acquainted with nature".

"But I hate nature!" Temari then smacks him. "You are going and you are gonna like it! We almost never get to do anything as a family".

"For once I'm going to agree with the make-up man". Gaara said as he walked into the room taking note of the bags of stuff that littered the floor.

"Gaara, your just in time! We're about to depart".

"Temari camping is not a good idea. First of all we live in a desert, there is no forest and second I am Kazekage I think I have better things to do with my time then sit around with you two".

Temari gripped her fan "I'd agree to do this Gaara, or else I know who's going to get smacked very, very hard". Gaara knew better then to anger his sister so he reluctantly agreed. "Fine I'll do it, but if the slightest thing goes wrong we are heading back". Temari smiled "Wonderful! Were gonna have so much fun".

 _The camping trip_

"Hey Kankuro you set up the tents while I take everything else out". The puppet master grumbled to himself as he set up the tents. Seeing how they were in a desert they didn't really get far. There camping spot was on the outskirts of the village. Nonetheless Kankuro didn't try to ruin his sister's mood knowing the consequences would be brutal.

"Gaara help our brother will you".

"Why? He seems to being fine all by himself". "Gaara we all need to pitch in and work". "I do enough work already I'm the Kazekage". Temari narrowed her eyes "I'm sorry but do you want to get smacked?!" "No!" "That's what I thought now move it!".

Temari was in a happy mood, as her brother set up their little camp site. Sure her patience was a little thin but as long as her brothers didn't do anything to upset her everything was going to be just splendid.

As soon as the tents were set up what followed next was a series of very unfortunate events. Such as cooking the food. "Kankuro you burned it!" "Well excuse me, for not paying attention you're the one who didn't take off the wrapping!" "I did take it off! You can't cook!" "Oh shut up you red headed workaholic! And eat the damn meal!"

"I'm not eating it if it's cooked by you".

"Don't make me force feed you!"

"I'd rather eat sand, that that slope you call food!"

"Well knock yourself out we live in a desert after all!".

"Both of you shut up and eat! Or I'll beat you both till your black and blue all over!".

Temari was always good on keeping her promises and Gaara and Kankuro had no choice but to eat the terrible meal. Which would later lead to a horrendous experience of stomach pain. But as long as Temari kept her happy mood then everything would be fine for the most part.

"Let's all sing songs!".

"Temari I don't sing, and we don't even know any campfire songs". The blonde only smiled at her brothers "That's why we're going to practice. I've never heard you guys sing before and it'll be fun".

"Fun?! What's so fun about this. You just made us eat gruel and now we have to sing, when will this nightmare end!"

"Gaara shut up! It'll be good for you, singing is great".

To better encourage her brothers Temari started with a few songs. She tried to get them to join in but they flat out refused until she threatened to post embarrassing photos of them all over the village. That quickly made them change their minds and against their wills they were soon singing cheesy songs with their sister.

"Everybody now!"

"Temari can we please stop, we've been singing for ages now".

"Besides we all know that Kankuro can't sing he sounds like a moose giving birth to an elephant on steroids".

"Gaara, you think you're so damn special!"

"I already know I am, no need to get your panties in a bunch".

"OUCH! What the hell was that for?!" the red-head asked as he rubbed his sore head.

"That's for spoiling our singing, and by the way if you don't cheer up so help me I will make you go on a date with one of your fan girls!".

"Fine! I'm sorry Temari let us continue this lovely camping trip".

The blonde smiled "That's more like it. Now who wants a smore!".

It sounded like an innocent idea, the whole marshmallow, gram cracker and chocolate thing. But in the end Gaara and Kankuro couldn't stop fighting about the quality a marshmallow should be and nearly set their tents on fire as a result. Both of them received a smack from their angry older sister.

"You two are impossible! Why can't we do anything fun together without some kind of destruction!".

"Temari it was all Gaara's fault, he's the one that was waving it around".

"Oh please, you were the one that let lit the stupid thing".

"But it was you who threw it!"

"Well you-"

"Both of you shut up!"

The two cowered as she raised her fan before letting out a sigh "I think it's time for bed".

After the fire was put out, the three siblings went into their tents to settle for the night. But Kankuro being the genius he was forget his sleeping bag and was now desperate for warmth as desert nights where cold.

"Psst Gaara are you asleep?"

"Hmm? What the?" Gaara turned around and nearly screamed when he saw his older brother next to him. "Kankuro what are you doing in my bag! Get out!".

"I left mine back at the house, come on have a heart it's cold".

"Absolutely not! Go freeze to death outside!"

"Gaara please don't do this. Your older brother is cold and wants to cuddle up with his baby brother".

The Kazekage shuddered in disgust "That's sounds so wrong in so many ways. Now out!"

Temari was very annoyed with her brothers, all she wanted was to sleep but how could she with all the noise. "Gaara either you share your bag with Kankuro or I'll nail your kitty boxers to your office door!".

It was a very long night for the young Kazekage; it was just his luck that he had never been fully cured of his insomnia because Kankuro proved to be a very active sleeper. If his snoring wasn't bad enough, then his constant kicking and moving around proved to be the ringer.

"God I hope I make it till daylight".

He briefly wondered if there was some way to get Kankuro in Temari's tent when the sound of raindrops where heard. Considering that they lived in a desert, rain was not unheard of but at the same time it was a rare sight. So when it started to pour down. All three siblings had no choice but to abandon their camping trip and retreat for the village.

"Well that was fun" Temari remarked as the strained water out of her hair. All she got where two death glares from her brothers.

"That was probably the worst night of my life, you try being next to him stuffed in a small bag!"

Gaara don't be like that, I thought it was nice snuggling with you". That only caused the red-head to shiver "Please let's never do this again". Temari only smiled "Tough luck because next week were all going mountain climbing!"

"No Temari, NOO!"

* * *

 **Me: I am so happy that I finished the first chapter.**

 **Sasuke: This is so stupid.**

 **Me: Well duckbutt and I are out, but a new chapter should come soon.**

 **Sasuke: You'll pay for this**

 **Me: Goodbye everyone!**


	2. The fangirls attack

**Me: Hi people were back!**

 **Sasuke: I hate my life**

 **Me: I hate your life too**

 **Sasuke:(glares) Can we get on with it**

 **Me: Please enjoy and don't forget to review**

* * *

"And don't come back until you've finished!" .

That was all the blonde said before she slammed the door in his face. The red head mumbled under his breath as he started to walk. Temari had been nagging him for some time now that he didn't get out enough. Well being Kazekage he didn't exactly have the time to take walks around the village.

 _"Gaara you need to see the world"._

 _"Go get some fresh air"._

 _"Take a walk and enjoy being out and about!"._

Those were only some of the excuses she'd use to promote her younger brother to leave his office. Gaara eventually did agree to walk because Temari had threatened to burn his cacti collection if he didn't get off his ass and hop to it.

There was a logical reason that Gaara almost never stepped outside the house.

He had just started walking and was making his way down a none-busy street taking a moment to enjoy the sights of his village when he heard the sounds of rustling. That didn't sound good at all, he picked up his pace a little hoping to just enjoy walking when the sounds of giggles made him stop in his tracks. "Dear God I pray I don't regret this".

Slowly turning around, at least a dozen teenage girls were staring at him with hearts in their eyes. Where they came from was a total mystery but all of them wanted a piece of him.

"Ahhh! It's Gaara!"

He started to sweat. "Ohh! I want to walk with him!". "No I do!" "I want to walk with Gaara-sama!" The redhead raised him hands as he started to back away slowly. "

"Gaara-sama please walk with me!"

Matsuri was literally drooling as she attempted to get closer to him. His former student was no different from all the other fan girls; she too had it bad for Gaara and every chance she got she'd try to get closer to him.

Not wanting to stick around Gaara started to run hoping to lose them but they followed him, and soon more and more girls joined the chase.

This is why Gaara didn't get out as often as he should, feral fan girls were everywhere waiting to pounce when opportunity struck. They'd cease the moment whenever Gaara let his guard down and all hell would break loose.

Kankuro had been walking from one of the training grounds when he noticed his younger brother screaming and running for his life with a stampede of fan girls running after him.

"Gaara come back, let us love you!".

At first the puppeteer blinked a few times before a grin spread across his face. "I'd better go tell Temari...and bring a camera".

Gaara was currently hiding in an alleyway hoping to lose the sea of raging hormones. He was gasping for breath and trying to steady his breathing.

Luckily he had been smart enough to use a sand clone to fool them and now the fan girls were chasing the clone instead of the real thing.

But being the hounds they were, it was only a matter of time until they figured it out and went after him again.

"Gaara what are you doing?"

He motioned for Kankuro to be quiet, he was going to inform the older sister but then decided to enjoy the moment while it lasted. It was not often that he got to see Gaara attacked by rabid teenage girls.

The red-head motioned for him to be quiet.

"Don't let them know I'm here".

His older brother grinned "And what if I decided to do so". Gaara's eyes narrowed "You'll be doing my laundry and Temari's for the next month!".

Kankuro weighed his options before screaming "Hey girls I found Gaara he's over here!".

Gaara gave the death glare to his older brother before he started running from the fan girls that had appeared in an instant. Kankuro was so going to pay for this.

Temari was humming to herself as she stuffed her mouth with chocolates, when she heard a slam coming from the front door. Footsteps entered the room she was in and her eyes widened when she saw her youngest brother.

His hair had mud and sand in it, his clothes were stained and ripped and he had multiple kiss marks on his face and neck.

"What the heck happened, you look like you were in a war of some kind".

The red-head simply glared at his sister as he wiped the lipstick off his face.

"Don't you ever make me do that again!".

Temari laughed a bit "Wasn't it nice to get some fresh air". "No! It was horrible, fan girls where everywhere. They ambushed me when I wasn't looking. They even saw past the clones I put up. And it's all your fault!".

The blonde shrugged "Go and clean up, tomorrow I expect you to walk again".

Gaara could only angrily mumble to himself about how he was so going to get back at his siblings for this, as he continued to wipe his face.

* * *

 **Me: Thank you for reading this.**

 **Sasuke: Hn, it was alright**

 **Me: Don't listen to him, he's just being an ass.**

 **Sasuke: I swear I'm going to-**

 **Me: Going to what?! Don't make me get Sakura!**

 **Sasuke: (Shudders) Never mind**

 **Me: Till next time!**

 **Sasuke: Review!**


	3. Kids? You mean demons right?

**Me: Hello folks!**

 **Sasuke: What you again?!**

 **Me: Who else, anyways were ready for another chapter**

 **Sasuke: Dear God why me?!**

 **Me: Please read and review!**

Temari was somehow convinced that her youngest brother had no experience in dealing with kids and decided that he should become more interactive with them, after all she told herself that someday Gaara would become a father and how was he supposed to care for his offspring if he didn't have any training.

So that's how all of them ended up going to preschool to gain a wonderful experience with children.

That would turn out to be a terrible idea right away.

Kankuro hated kids with a passion and was deeply upset that his sister forced him into going. "It will be good for you, Gaara can't do this alone". "Temari were surrounded by drooling little snobs what in the world made you think this would be a good idea?!". "Well deal with it! Kids are not that bad, and Gaara's gotta have some soon so we all gotta learn how to live with it".

That last sentence made Kankuro shuddered a bit, his little brother didn't even have a dog. How in the world could be possibly have kids?

Gaara kept to himself as he followed his two older siblings he didn't hate children but at the same time he didn't exactly like them either. They were just kinda there. He respected them like he would for all his citizens that's for sure. But he sure as hell could think of a thousand things better to do then sit around kids all day.

He was a ruler, not a babysitter.

So when they finally arrived to one of the schools that had a variety of children of different ages. It was every man for himself. Kankuro refused to step foot into the room until Temari dragged him in by his ear threatening to make sure he washed every public toilet in Suna unless he behaved himself; that of course got him into submission though he complained about it the entire time. Gaara on the other hand was a different story, normally the Kazekage was calm and composed with dignity but at the moment all he really wanted was to lock himself in his office, the kids were so overwhelming at the moment.

"Are you really strong?"

"Show us how you control sand!"

"Lord Gaara will you play with us?!"

"Do you want to play house?!"

"I want to play dolls with you!"

"Can we touch your hair?"

"Will you give us piggy-back rides?"

"Do you like games?!"

Gaara really wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. He didn't exactly have strong paternal instincts to begin with, so he figured that he would have to go by trial and error. His eyes darted briefly over to his older brother and grinned in amusement as Kankuro was trying his best not to lose his temper while a few little girls scribbled over his face with pink markers.

"If you're going to wear make-up mister, at least make it look pretty".

Gaara couldn't help but chuckle when he heard his brother mumble about getting Temari back for this. The older sister speaking of which was having a rather fun time interacting with the kids.

"Gaara don't just stand there! Play with them!"

The red head then suddenly found himself playing a few very embarrassing games with a bunch of the children such as 'Protect the Kazekage from the scary monsters'. Or 'Let's see how many crayons we can stick into the Kazekage's hair'. Or the favorite among the little girls 'Try and steal a kiss from Lord Gaara'. That game nearly sent Gaara running for the hills he never expect so many kids to try and kiss him. They were like mini versions of the damn fan girls only much worse!

"Gaara-sama hold still!"

"How can we kiss you, if you keep moving away!"

"Let us love you!"

At this point he didn't know what would be worse, a mountain of boring paperwork or dealing with these brats. Though the paperwork did sound rather appealing.

"Temari can we go now we've been here for hours!"

"Oh shut up Kankuro! You don't hear Gaara complain".

"That's because he's too busy being chased by demonic children!".

"At least Gaara can get girls even little ones".

"Temari you are such a-OW!"

"Not in front of the kids idiot!"

"Who are you calling an idiot?!"

"Must I beat some sense into that puny little brain of yours!"

"Says the girl with a chest that can bloke out the sun!"

At that moment the room went very cold and Temari had a look of fire in her eyes, after excusing herself she grabbed Kankuro by the collar and dragged him out of the room and what followed next was a serious of loud bangs, crashes and cries of pain and pleading. After a few minutes when Temari reentered the room she was smiling widely to herself.

"Thank you everyone for having us, but we really must be off now. Gaara say goodbye now".

It was dead silent for five minutes as everyone stared at her.

"Well don't be rude say goodbye, Kankuro needs to get to the hospital".

"Um...goodbye?"

After quickly exiting the school promising not to come back anytime soon the two of them escorted Kankuro to the hospital who thanks to Temari was in very bad shape.  
Temari seemed rather happy with the turn out of the day, any day she could beat her brothers was considered a good day by her standards.

"So Gaara did you enjoy that?"

The red head gave his sister a weird look "I...I don't think I'll plan on having kids anytime soon. There so high maintenance".

 **Me: Hope y'all enjoyed!**

 **Sasuke: I wonder if I bang my head hard enough against the wall it will be enough to kill me**

 **Me: Don't listen to him, he's on his period is all**

 **Sasuke: You'll die for that!**

 **Me: Duckbutt and I will be back soon!**

 **Sasuke: I really hate you!**

 **Me: Review!**


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